Without bitterness, and for as long as she lived, she bore a vision of deicide.
没有痛苦，只要她活着，她就会有一个杀戮的幻象。
英语百科
Deicide
Deicide is the killing (or the killer) of a god. The concept may be used for any act of killing a god, including a life-death-rebirth deity who is killed and then resurrected.
Also used in Freeman Dyson 's Disturbing the Universe in the essay "The Island of Dr. Moreau" when he is talking of JSB Haldane's Daedalus; or, Science and the Future.